Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
