My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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