We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
