I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
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You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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