The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
