I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's great music for shaving your balls
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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