Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
