He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
