bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
