You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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