I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
