I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize