new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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