I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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