Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize