We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
