Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
