I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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