neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
