If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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