Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize