At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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