I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
