How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
