just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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