Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
