his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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