Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
