I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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