If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think your dad took our porno
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
