i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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