I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The feeling are messing with the penis
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
