Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
