no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
