he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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