also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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