No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
