bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
