rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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