I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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