Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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