glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
