i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
