Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Randomize
