yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
