I think my vagina is haunted
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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