non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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