The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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