What a fucking waste of an outfit
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He passed out mid-signature
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
