I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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