forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
