yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
