you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
