It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
