Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
