Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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