listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Drunk is a universal language darling
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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