Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
