I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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