You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
nutella sex= disaster
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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