WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drake has all the answers
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
