we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
