he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
