my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
