You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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