I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
