you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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