Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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