i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
either way he was missing a nipple.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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