Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
