This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize