I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
