the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
